September 25, 2025

'Dads With A Purpose' Teaches Fathers How To Build A Family Foundation

DES MOINES, IOWA  --  The first step in building a home is to lay a proper foundation.  Without a strong foundation, a building can’t withstand the years and the storms that life throws at it.  The same is true when starting a family.  Without a strong foundation laid by the parents, their child will struggle with the difficulties that life throws at them.

In essence, that is the basis for the work of Dr. Benjamin Bell with EveryStep’s ‘Dads With a Purpose’ program.  The program is billed as a safe space for men to openly and honestly discuss their lives and the challenges that come with fatherhood.

Dr. Bell says to become a better father, you first have to understand what it means to be a man.  “We want to talk to them about manhood before we talk to them about fatherhood,” says Dr. Bell.  That discussion begins with answering frank questions about particpants’ ideal picture of a what a man is – and whether or not they meet their own standards.

“We talk about the idea of self-sufficiency. If you were put out on the street right now, could you take care of it yourself without any assistance?” Dr. Bell asks fathers. If not – as is usually the case – do they have a support system?  If the answer is also ‘no’, that should be a wake-up call to them.

"Hey, you're like a Nike commercial: ‘Just do it’,” Dr. Bell tells the men, “So we tell them not to live that way. Don't live thinking that you have to figure all of it out, and that you do it on your own … (but) you're not on an island. You can feel isolated like you’ve got to take care of everything. I got the world on my shoulders.  No. You're riding on other people's shoulders.”

But getting men to be honest about where they are struggling isn’t easy.  “Men aren't good at admitting when they're failing,” Dr. Bell says, “But the wonderful thing is, when you get around a bunch of guys, they don't have to play tough because the females aren't in the room, and you get the real conversations … the guys start building this comradery and trust in each other, because they're all putting their hearts out there.”

The results are evident.  “While they're in this room, they're learning and, they're growing, and they're becoming somewhat different while they're here,” Dr. Bell says, “They're transforming in here, because you don't live different until you think different.”

That includes asking participants a simple but powerful question that forces them to do some self-reflection.  “Ask yourself: ‘do you want your daughters to be with a man like you?’  When I ask that, I often hear: ‘I don’t know about that.’”

Dr. Bell says the reasons for that answer often lead them back to square one: building a foundation.  They want their daughters to be with someone who has that foundation they find themselves lacking.

“It's a reminder that you need certain things in place so you can build a foundation upon which your life can rest,” says Dr. Bell, “You are going to have pressure placed on your life. Are you prepared?”